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How Can You Build and Maintain a Healthy Relationship with Your Partner?
The Mental Health Program at Nutley Family Service Bureau (NFSB) provides counseling and psychiatric services for individual children, adolescents, and adults, as well as couples, and families. Immediate appointments are available with English- and Spanish speaking counselors. This article is part of an ongoing educational series focused on improving your mental health.
Much of who you are and how you feel are based on your own triggers. Many of those triggers are your relationships and how you interact with people.
The most complex relationship you have is with a romantic partner. This is the only relationship with physical intimacy, which often makes it that much more triggering. As you navigate different challenges and complexities, it’s helpful to understand what it means to have a healthy relationship.
What Is a Healthy Relationship?
You might feel at times that your relationship is out of your control. Just keep in mind that a healthy relationship doesn’t happen by accident or by chance, and it’s not a temporary feeling that comes and goes.
“Love is more than a feeling or a fairy tale,” said Maria Hoppas, LCSW, Director of Outpatient Services at NFSB. “You don’t just meet the perfect person, magically understand each other, communicate perfectly, and live happily ever after. A healthy, loving relationship with a romantic partner is a decision you make based on essential choices about yourself, your partner, and your relationship.”
Self-esteem, respect, trust, and open communication are fairly obvious hallmarks of a healthy relationship. Consistency in your words and behaviors – what you say and what you do – will strengthen your relationship.
However, personal accountability and responsibility are often overlooked.
In a healthy relationship, there are both individual and shared responsibilities. Rather than pointing out your partner’s faults and challenges, take personal responsibility and accountability for the things you bring to the relationship, both positive and negative.
Learning Relationship Skills in Counseling
Knowledge of relationships is typically formed in childhood. However, people may not have learned the skills necessary to have a healthy relationship because their parents could only teach what they knew and practiced.
“The beauty of therapy is that relationship skills can be learned,” Maria said. “You can choose to practice these skills, which will help you build and maintain a responsible, loving, caring relationship with your partner. You’ll learn to constantly work on yourselves and encourage each other to be your healthiest selves. It’s a beautiful thing when it happens, but it takes accountability and responsibility on both sides to make it work.”
Sadly, most couples wait until they’re in crisis mode, possibly on the verge of ending their marriage or relationship, before seeking counseling. Ideally, people would seek support to strengthen the relationship, not save the relationship. When you’re ready to start therapy, start by looking inward.
“The first step is to gain awareness and understanding of your relationship with yourself,” Maria said. “What do you need help with? What do you need to work on? How can you take better care of yourself? This will help you understand how the answers to these questions impact your relationship.”
Finally, recognize that no individual or relationship is perfect. Expecting perfection is unrealistic.
“Everyone will say and do the wrong things at some point,” Maria said. “You’ll hurt your partner’s feelings and they’ll hurt yours. We’re all flawed and make mistakes. The personal accountability we take afterwards will make the difference. Counseling can help you learn and practice these and other skills to strengthen your relationship.”
If you or someone you know is struggling in a relationship, contact us at NFSB to schedule an appointment for counseling. Immediate appointments are available and we’ll always respect your privacy. Call 973-667-1884 extension 1 today.
